Episode 111: D&C 16 – Section 29

April 25, 2016


Episode 111: D&C 16 – Section 29

In this one we learn all about the many resurrection events in our very near future (literally, any hour!). And then we find out that Jesus only has so many passes into heaven he can give away, so you’d better stay on his good side!

“Drink!” Count –29

About 5 beers


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3 Comments on “Episode 111: D&C 16 – Section 29”

  1. Duke of Earl Grey Says:

    Funny you should happen to bring up the two separate creation accounts given in Genesis, because Mormon apologists like to say that the first of those stories IS the story of the pre-existence “spiritual” creation, and the second one is the physical “temporal” creation that followed after. They’re totally not two different stories cobbled together in the same book. Nothing to see here.

    v50 “And he that hath no understanding, it remaineth in me to do according as it is written”

    Here’s another verse that the modern LDS church has a very particular interpretation of, that no one would naturally pick up on. Church leaders have taught that the people of “no understanding” referred to here are mentally disabled people, particularly any that have a mental capacity similar to little children. As such, like children under 8, they can’t be tempted, and they are innocent, and thus they don’t need baptism to be saved, or any of the temple ordinances.

    As our favorite Mormon doctrinaire Joseph Fielding Smith once said, “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints considers all deficient children with retarded capacity to understand, just the same as little children under the age of accountability. They are redeemed without baptism and will go to the celestial kingdom of God, there, we believe, to have their faculties or other deficiencies restored according to the Father’s mercy and justice.”


  2. Duke of Earl Grey Says:

    We only get a few tidbits in D&C 29 about Christ’s 1,000 year Millennial reign (or “reich” if you’re German; just think about THAT), so I won’t blow the entire wad here, but here’s what we have so far, if you’ll indulge my pedantic clarifications:

    1) Jesus is coming, and that right soon. Any time now…

    2) The elect shall be gathered and be prepared for the tribulations, among which are eyeball eating maggots, apparently. There’s actually an important point, maybe, to note here. Mormons don’t believe in the Rapture, the popular idea that before God pours forth all those Book of Revelation plagues on the world, first he’ll snap his fingers and apparate his favorite Christians up to heaven to spare them all the horror. No, Mormons believe they get to stay on earth for all that good stuff, along with everyone else. However, since they’ll be gathered in their Zion, they’ll be safe from the worst of it anyway, so there’s not much functional difference there, I suppose.

    3) Jesus will open his great trenchcoat and reveal himself in his glory (OK, just the second part), and descend to earth with all the hosts of heaven, including the old time apostles (Judas, really? Come on! Book of Acts chapter 1 says Matthias took over Judas’ spot, duh!)

    4) The wicked shall not stand. In other words, they’ll be killed by Jesus’ very appearance. More on that later, I expect.

    5) Christ will dwell on earth with righteous folk for 1,000 years. There’s nothing here about wicked people being tortured on earth for 1,000 years. They’ll have all died, and presumably they’ll be off in hell suffering there for 1,000 years. Silly Bryce.

    6) At the end of the 1,000 years, some people on earth will begin being wicked again, and that’s when the real End Times come, and the old earth and heavens get wiped out and (immediately, I guess) replaced by a non-defective version of the same thing. (Basically, just read the last volume of Chronicles of Narnia for the same story, only with a lion instead of a bearded guy in a bathrobe, English school children instead of apostles, grasping ungracious dwarves instead of Jews, etc.)

    7) All dead people will get resurrected by this point, the righteous to get eternal life, and the wicked to depart into everlasting fire. This will be further clarified (or contradicted, depending on your point of view) later on in the D&C.


  3. help3434 Says:

    Helaman’s sons Nephi and Lehi were protected by a pillar of fire.


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