Episode 89: Pricey Pearl 7 – Abraham 4-5

July 20, 2015


Episode 89: Pricey Pearl 7 – Abraham 4-5

Yet another telling of the Genesis creation story, but this time with even more gods! Then thankfully we’re joined by Prophets Fat Joe and Lil Wayne to help finish up The Book of Abraham.

“Drink” Count – 12

2 lovely beers


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13 Comments on “Episode 89: Pricey Pearl 7 – Abraham 4-5”

  1. Duke of Earl Grey Says:

    And here we go again, Facsimile 3:


    • Duke of Earl Grey Says:

      And again, the Egyptologists’ interpretation is quite different. I guess we can’t be too hard on JS for thinking figure 6 is supposed to be a slave (instead of Anubis), as David Michael came to the same conclusion independently. It would be great if we had the original papyrus for this vignette, because I’d like to know just what happened to Anubis’ jackal nose and most of his ears.


  2. Scott Says:

    Now that you are finished with the facsimiles, it’s a good time to share this. A rare copy of Joseph Smith’s Egyptology 101 exam. http://www.mormoninfographics.com/2014/07/a-rare-copy-of-joseph-smiths-egyptology.html


  3. Duke of Earl Grey Says:

    For anyone who has not yet experienced the wonder that is Brother Jake, and his satirical explanations of all things Mormon, please enjoy his take on the Book of Abraham:


  4. colddodger2015 Says:

    I feel bad. When I was an LDS missionary, I often had to help people muscle through the boredom and tedium of what they were reading.

    The Isaiah quotations in 2nd Nephi was about how far people usually got into the Book of Mormon before they either gave up from boredom or concluded the Book of Mormon was mostly just plagiarism.

    Mormons aren’t stupid. They know how little the world thinks of the Book of Mormon, but especially the Book of Abraham. What the rest of the world doesn’t understand is the fountain of spirituality that Mormons take from these books.

    The Book of Abraham is short. When it isn’t plain boring, it is spouting off doctrine that other Christians recognize as being some of the most heretical and blasphemous doctrine trying to call itself Christian.

    But it is these few teachings that Mormons hold onto, despite the rest of the craziness. There’s a hidden part of Mormonism you haven’t seen yet, and unless I point it out to you, I don’t think you are properly going to ‘get it.’ This is part of a subset of Mormon beliefs that Mormons call “deep doctrine” amongst themselves. Typically (not always, but typically) new members don’t learn about it until after they have been settled in the church for while.

    Here in this link [http://mldb.byu.edu/follett.htm] is a sermon considered to be Joseph’s Smith’s greatest doctrinal revelation about the nature of God and man’s relationship to God. You probably could not have read this sermon and understood it properly until after you read the Book of Abraham. I give it as my opinion that this sermon, called the King Follet Discourse (because it was given at the funeral of a church member named Mr. King Follet), is an extension of the Book of Abraham.

    So, here’s a proposition. For your next episode, or an upcoming episode of your choice, read the King Follet discourse for the first time into the mic. I guarantee that it would be a hit episode. So many Mormons know what the King Follet Discourse is, and your drunken beginner’s commentary on it would kick ass. Be warned, however, there are not any “and it came to pass”es in the sermon. You have have to find other key words to drink to for this one.

    Then, perhaps in another episode, armed with your new knowledge of King Follet “deep doctrine” you could tackle some of the verses from the Book of Abraham again, perhaps with one of your buddies, and see new significance in some verses you glossed over without realizing what theological dynamite they are for Mormon believers.

    What is left in the Pricey Pearl will not disappoint. There are only a few things left. No more creation stories –– I promise!

    You should know what some of these retellings of Bible chapters are though. You rightly recognized that the Book of Moses was the first some-odd chapters of Genesis, only revised and “improved” with more details.

    Joseph Smith’s immediate project after the Book of Mormon was a “translation” of the Bible. It was not a translation in any sense that you or I would use the word. He read the Bible cover to cover and made ‘prophetic enhancements’ where he felt inspired to do so. He rewrote verses in the bible. Most of these changes are a word here and a phrase there, but some of them are many passages at length. The longest of these changes were put in the Pearl of Great price. The Book of Moses was Joseph Smith’s “translation” of the beginning of Genesis. (The Book of Abraham is something else entirely. He really was claiming to translate an ancient language in the conventional sense.) The very next part, Joseph Smith––Matthew is another such Joseph Smith Translation. It’s not a creation account, but it should be entertaining –– maybe not as much as ‘kolob,’ but it won’t be so super boring. Then, the thing that comes after that is a priceless piece of Mormon literature that a lot of people are dying to hear you read. That’s all I’ll say about that.

    David, you’re a ‘golden investigator.’ You’ve followed through with a challenge to read Mormon scripture like few people ever do. The Pricey Pearl is really short. The Mormon scriptures from here on out are not like the nice linear narrative that the Book of Mormon was.It might take some creativity and little knowledge of Mormon church history to make the best sense of what is to come. Most of it is doctrinal or a little something about the lives of the early Mormons. Early church history was rife with controversy and activity, so there will be gems here and there.

    Mormonism never would have survived if it hadn’t taken an attitude towards the rest of the world that thrived in the face of ridicule. What’s ahead, especially when we start getting into the Doctrine and Covenants, is going to elucidate how this unique psyche took shape over the course of Joseph’s Smith’s short career as self-made prophet.


    • Duke of Earl Grey Says:

      I have to disagree that now is a good time for David to read King Follett. I think the King Follett discourse would be a much better read after he experiences Doctrine and Covenants first. Abraham 3 may be a basis for some of the “deep doctrine” Mormons hold dear, but it’s hardly the only foundation, and many D&C sections (like 76 and 130-132) are crucial first, I think.

      Of course, by the time David is done with D&C, he may be totally burnt out, but we’ll see.


  5. St. Ralph Says:

    Wow. I had no idea there was so little to this. After the theological fireworks of Chapter 3 we get a partial retelling of Genesis? And then pfffft, The End? It’s like the whole endeavor just ran out of gas (the writing, I mean, not the reading). I think I remember hearing that the books of Moses and Abraham were never finished because of Joseph’s death, but the impression I’m left with after hearing them read is that these projects died before he did. So, like I said, wow, with a lowercase “w.”


  6. Scott Says:

    David, following Joseph Smith-Matthew, you will come to Joseph Smith History. It’s a single chapter but too big to get through in just one episode. You’ll have to break it up anyway, so feel free to just go right into it when you finish Joseph Smith-Matthew until you come to a natural breaking point or the one hour mark.


  7. Elder Elder Says:

    Is the LDS church encouraging underage drinking?
    “If you teach them to recognize the phrase and it came to pass, they can make regular contributions when the family reads the Book of Mormon.”


  8. Spanner Says:

    Now that you have finished Abraham 5, go back and take another look at Moses 3 and compare the sequence of events. Both are rewrites of Genesis, but they contradict each other.

    In Moses 3, Adam is created, then the animals; Adam names them, but a helpmeet cannot be found, so woman is created. E.g. Verse 20: And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but as for Adam, there was not found an help meet for him.

    But in Abraham 5, Adam is created, then Eve, then the animals which Adam names last. E.g. Verse 21: And Adam gave names to all cattle, to the fowl of the air, to every beast of the field; and for Adam, there was found an help meet for him.

    I have never seen an apologist mention the discrepancy, let alone explain it. This is different to the spiritual vs material creation issue, it is a contradictory rewrite of what Mormons claim is the material creation.


  9. Trent D Says:

    Just wanted to point out that Kobol is a planet on Battlestar Galactica (wasn’t one of the writers Mormon?).



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