Click to Listen: Episode 85: Pricey Pearl 3 – Moses 6
So, we get to meet this slow talking seer guy named Enoch, who, it turns out, everybody hates. But Enoch doesn’t seem to care that much since his boyfriend is god (yeah, that’s kinda what it sounded like!). God decides to teach all those haters a lesson so he creates the one and only hell as a place to send them (that’ll teach em!). Then we jump back in time and some god spirit baptizes Adam and then tells him about how cool that Jesus dude is.
“Drink” Count – 6
Another single measley beer
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I’ll see everyone in Salt Lake City on June 25!
My Book of Mormon 
June 22, 2015 at 6:48 am
Did we all kind of overhype the Pearl of Great Price? Did we pull a bait-and-switch? We certainly didn’t mean to. To be fair, most of us probably had the upcoming Book of Abraham in mind when we spoke of “craziness”, but I think we all hoped you’d also enjoy “Genesis: The Extended Edition” with its deleted scenes and special features. I know I always felt good about myself when some smart-aleck Bible doubter would say, “So where did Cain’s wife come from, huh, if there was no one else around?” And I could say, “That’s in the extended edition. Cain married one of nieces, duh!” [Dramatization; may not have happened.]
So you know, according to some apologists, it’s not a coincidence that none of these ancient patriarchs of the human race are living past 1,000 years old, though they all get close. As you are fond of pointing out, David Michael, God told Adam and Eve that “in the day” they ate the forbidden fruit they would surely die. Therefore, so that we can’t call God the original liar, we have to redefine what “day” means, and handily enough, the New Testament in 2 Peter says that “one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” So in not living a full thousand years, Adam did in fact die within the same day (God Standard Time) he ate the fruit, and God is totally not a lying rat-bastard, after all.
June 22, 2015 at 4:12 pm
But Genesis and 2 Peter aren’t even in the same testament. Adam would not have been comforted by some limited distribution addendum published over 3500 years after he died. Sounds like typical retcon to me.
June 22, 2015 at 8:10 am
Rat-bastard or no it’s remains the tale told by an idiot, seems the simpler story by an unreliable narrator would suffice.
June 22, 2015 at 10:09 pm
Moses is definitely the hardest book of the Pricey Pearl to get through. Abraham is okay, far more interesting if you study the context of it. Might just be confusing otherwise. The best book, though, by far, and the one I’ve been looking forward to most for a long time, is Joseph Smith History.
Moses has some really fun parts that are easy to miss, though, like Joseph Smith trying to reharmonize the creation story with 19th-century cosmology. It forms the foundation from which most of Mormonism’s craziest beliefs originate, and gets taken one step further with the Book of Abraham. I think David Michael is kind of getting burned out from the crazy, though. People lived almost a thousand years and he barely batted an eye. Guess what, that happens to most people who get involved in Mormonism!
There is some good stuff coming up with Enoch, though. The crazy level gets turned up again in the next chapter, but it’s also a long one. Sometimes Joseph Smith gets preachy and repetitive and doesn’t know when to shut up.
By the way, “baptism by fire” means receiving “the gift of the holy ghost,” which is described as a burning or a fire in your soul. It’s suppose to be a positive thing that happens to your spirit, not your body. The metaphor resonates with people who are motivated and emotionally “on fire” about God, but makes the rest of us just want to skip those verses and get to the good stuff.
June 24, 2015 at 2:04 pm
Great point! It’s insanely batshit crazy, but David is so numb to the crazy now that it’s just boring.
June 23, 2015 at 2:13 am
The next chapter is going to make you angry
June 24, 2015 at 11:12 pm
Spoilers!
June 25, 2015 at 6:34 pm
PRESS RELEASE: from the well behaved Mormon Woman: Barbara Smith-Palmer
Restoration Complete:
Neo-Orthodox Correlated Curriculum now approved by our Heavenly Father*
We need some context for such boring divine guidance.
*On Restoration In Mormonism: Our Heavenly Father (Elohim) is usually the last to know when Mormon Revelations Come to Pass, but he seems to approve of this arrangement, Mormon Priestly Revelation that is. It is hoped this will continue and all will be sorted out in the end. Heavenly Mother Gonhorra is told by Elohim of the Revelations as they come to pass but pays no mind. In the best of all possible worlds, it will all be sorted out in the end for Mormon Exceptionalism to flourish.
The consensus is after much study by scholars, theologians and dogmatologists, it is agreed that the BOM, Book of Mormon sounds, for the most part, Bibical.
Caveat: It is recognized that Mormons do not suffer criticism well, not a tolerant lot. satire, irony and ambiguity is not The Mormon’s strong suit.
June 26, 2015 at 2:55 pm
Do people really give money to this ? That’s awesome man.
June 26, 2015 at 9:18 pm
Damn, I completely forgot about this. Still in town?
June 27, 2015 at 1:17 am
Yup, I’ll be here until Sunday, June 28. And I’ve got no plans tonight. If you wanna hang out, just tell me where and when.
June 27, 2015 at 12:41 pm
David & Duke have a point. The Book of Moses is more boring than I remember. I think the reason it’s so important in Mormon theology is that it’s highly tied to the temple ceremony, in which the story of the Garden of Eden is retold.
Also, I had forgotten (ironically) that this is where we get the term “Book of Remembrance.” As you know with things like “deseret,” Mormons are big on pulling one little phrase out of context and running with it. When I was a kid, my mom painstakingly and lovingly created a “Book of Remembrance” for each child in our family. It included pedigree charts of our family genealogy, as well as other keepsakes from baptisms, blessings, eulogies of family members, etc. Deseret Book even sold binders for creating this type of album with the words “Book of Remembrance” on the front cover. I don’t know if they still do, but genealogy and journal writing are still a big part of Mormon culture.
March 27, 2016 at 12:50 am
You gotta love all the contradictions between the temple and the Book of Moses. Here’s one: the snake.